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**Window to the Heart** [Hopped Up on the Q (My Homepage)] Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "lilmanderz617" journal:

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January 20th, 2006
04:18 pm


Someday Someone's goin to ask you a question you should probably say yes to

So it was the last day of the semester, no more precal (WOO!!) but that also means no more Kyle :(  which was so fun today at lunch.  We just acted like friends, which I would love to just stay friends.  I mean yea I like/d him, but I don't nessicarily want to date him, cuz I understand there's still stuff with Chrystal.  But even tho alot of other people don't think so, I think he's a cool kid, atleast to me he is, and I'd just like to hang out with him w/o any strings attatched.  Hmm I guess things are how they are, and we'll see if we will even see each other next semester, it would be great if we could <3

Current Mood: sadsad

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January 19th, 2006
08:44 pm


You think you're so cool with your little Jew fro!!

So an update's in order... since my last entry I got my wisdom teeth out, that was a bitch, I was totally out of it the first day.  Apperently I told my mom that I had a dream about Teef while I was asleep, although I don't remember having any dreams, or telling her that, but I do remember stubling out the door lol.  So I sat around with ice on my mouth, watching the Disney Channel (which I'm totally hooked to lol) until my GREAT painkillers knocked me out, and this cycle went on for the first 24 hours.  Then the next day I decided I was feeling good enough to go out to the movies with the buds, Beth, Kendra, Lauren Braun, Big & Little Repp, and then Justin & JB (who decided to join us) to go see Fun with Dick & Jane.  Since I was on narcotics, I wasn't supposed to drive, so Beth took me & Kendra.  She earned the worst parking job award when she somehow pulled in a good 2 inches away from the car next to her and 3 from the car infront of her.  She did all this while somehow managing to make it impossible to fix it lol, so I ended up crawling out the drivers side laughing my ass off.  So after that fun experience we went in and met the rest of the girls outside of Garfields, where we told the waitress it was my birthday.  Then ended up singing to me, but didn't give me any stinkin cake!! We were a little upset about that, but I got over it cuz I decided to take my remaining wings into the movie with me and finish them lol.  So after that, I stayed at home for the rest of the week cuz I felt like shit and my cheeks had swollen like 3 times bigger.  Then, on New Years eve, I went over to Katie's and we had a blasty!!!  First we went over to the Centere and she got her nails done, and I read this whole magazine on Desprate Housewives (very informative), then we went to Wal*Mart, got some goods, and decided to go visit Repp at the firehall.  So we get there, and I was like "I don't see his car, lets go" and Katie was like "Look there's people!" (lol) and then she spotted Repp, so we got outta the car and I ran over and jumped on him and gave him some lovin haha.  So he showed us around the firehall and we wore him n Kyle's fire gear and took pics.  Then we were gettin ready to leave, and Brittany and Kendra got there, so we decided to stay a little longer with them.  So we got even more of the tour with them, we got to go into the BOY's bunks!! (oh so scandelous!!) so i stole Kyle's beenie while I was in there.  So we hung out with the firefighters for a little but and we were JUST getting ready to leave again, and Kyle, who was supposed to be going to Whitetail, got there so we stayed for alittle but MORE lol. Welll I'm kinda gettin sick of writing this so, lets see, tomorrow is the end of the semester, that means no moe Kyle :( which I'm pretty sad about cuz I still pretty much like him, although there are complications, but I'll just have to see what life throws my way...

Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: So Sick (of Love Songs)

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January 12th, 2006
07:38 pm


Happy Christmahannakwanza to you

So it's Christmas.... it was pretty good, got most of the stuff I've wanted (so far), all a really still want is a CD player for my car.  I still have presents from Jeffrey's family to get, but I doubt that I'm gunna get it.  Oh well, Jeffrey's havin a fit cuz I'm not even goin up there for New Years cuz I'm FINALLY staying here, I'm using the exuse that I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow, and the fact that Mom's promised me for like the past 2 years that I could stay here.  Hopefully I can find a crazy party to go to!! LoL  I really want to hang out with Kyle, but I'm not too sure about that...
God stuff with him lately has seemed to be going down hill.  Like at one point, he would text me and like always tell me to get online and stuff, and the movies, Gosh, that was great, he held my hand, and kissed me at the end of the night, everything seemed *perfect* But then I had to get jelouse like always, so I was in a pissy mood around him and I asked him what was going on with him & Chrystal (his ex), he answerd me honestly, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but he said that him and her weren't going out anymore, but they weren't completly over each other.  So then I asked him what was going on with us, he said that he didn't really know, and he wasn't sure if he wants a relationship right now (I hate that line!!), but then he went on actin all normal, flirtin like crazy, but I guess that's just him.  Then on Thursday we had a little "ONS" lol (aka we "hooked up" or any other slang words you would like to use to describe it), and ever since then we have talked, but it's been really akward.  Now I'm talkin to Repp and he told me that Kyle's still messing around with Chrystal, so that's real fucking great.......Uggggggh so I'm not sure where anythings going.  EVERYTIME I've tryed to start something after Andy, everything's gotten fucked up, I dunno if that's supposed to mean anything, or what, but it's really frustrating, cuz he moved on like crazily fast, and I'm still on the rebound...damn what's wrong with this picture?? lol Hopelfully something will work out with Kyle cuz I REEEEEEEEEALLY like him, but apperently that's not the case with him :( And even if nothing works with him, PLEASE let something work with SOMEONE!!!!!!!!  I just want to be happy again :/

Current Mood: nervousnervous
Current Music: All American Rejects- Stab My Back

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December 14th, 2005
08:41 pm


i don't feel like typing much, but here's a little update:
-Went to see Dane again last night with Teef & Beth and it was a blasty blast, although I was disoppointed that Dennis couldn't come..maybe next time.
-I feel depressed right now for really no reason at all, and I seem to be mad at the world for being how it is..err I don't think that made sense, but o well, I've had 3 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours, so I'm gunna go to bed. later.

Current Mood: depresseddepressed

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November 26th, 2005
04:03 pm


This is The Guilty Game. Next to the questions, put your answers as either guilty or innocent. Guilty if you have, innocent if you havent. Repost and see what others have or have not done!

Singing in the shower? guilty

Left the stove on? NOT

Ate Stale food? guilty

Spit in someone's Drink? no

Stole Something from a friend? um maybe something stupid lol

Bossed your friends around? Sometimes

Played with Barbies/G.I. Joes? Heck YES!!

Sang the wrong words to your favorite song? Lol I make up my own words lol

Lit candles & let wax run all down your desk? um no, But I play with the wax lol

Kissed your posters of your favorite stars? yea

Listened to stupid music and said you like it? YEA!

Did a Wrestling move on someone? Um on my little sister lol

Had a Lite Brite toy? HECK YEA!

Gave a surprise party for someone? yea

Made someone cry? yea

Opened your christmas presents early? um I think

Found money, and didn't turn it in? yea

Gave money to a homeless person?um I don't think

Sang cheesy 80's songs? yea

Dug for buried treasure? lol I tried to burry treasure

Thought Star Wars was cool? no, I don't have the attention span for Star Wars

Had a super-hero costume? Um don't think so

Lied to protect a friend? yea

Broken a bone? nope

Got lost in your own little world? every day lol

Seen "the goonies" more than 10 times? No

Played a Video game for more than 5 hours? Nope

Watched "Scream" and actually Screamed? no, I've actually never seen Scream

Dyed your hair a color from the rainbow? No but I want to

Hugged your mom in the past 24 hours? yea

Fought over a girl/boy? yea

Cried over a boy/girl? yea

Have you Ever...

[X] Ran through the sprinklers
[ ]Ran through the sprinklers naked
[X] Been on a picnic
[X] Been on stage
[x] Been in a parade
[x] been in a play
[ ] went to school w/ a hangover
[x] gotten detention
[ ] Gotten suspended
[ ] Gotten expelled
[X] Been on a plane
[ ] been on a cruise
[X] Traveled out of your city
[X] Traveled out of your state
[X] traveled out of the country
[x] Fallen in love
[x] gotten dumped
[x] Liked somebody you could never have
[X] Liked a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend
[ ] stolen a friends boyfriend/girlfriend
[X] Cheated on a test
[ ] shoplifted
[ ] Stolen a car
[ ] Broken into a house
[x] Stolen from your own family
[ ] Ate spoiled food on purpose
[X] Ate food you dropped on the floor(5 second rule haha)
[ ] Drank blood .. gross
[X] Had a pet
[ ] laughed at a funeral
[ ] watched somebody's death
[ ] Killed somebody
[ ] Gotten a tattoo
[x] gotten piercings
[x] Cut your own hair
[X] Fired a gun
[X] gotten into a fist fight
[ ] Gotten into a shouting match
[X] Gotten shampoo in your eye
[X]Swallowed sea/pool water accidently
[ ] Swallowed sea/pool water on purpose
[X] Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose
[X] Laughed so hard it hurt
[x] laughed so hard you peed in your pants
[ ] seen a live birth
[ ] delivered a baby/animal
[x] had an imagniary friend
[ ] Fell down a whole flight of stairs
[X] Tripped on stairs
[X] Tripped on your own feet
[X] Cried yourself to sleep
[X] Cried in public
[ ] thrown up in public
[X] Lied to ur parents
[ ] Hit an animal with your vehicle
[ ] cheated on someone
[ ] cried so hard you threw up
[X] regretted something in the past

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November 24th, 2005
04:57 pm


little survey..I was bored
have you ever.............
snuck out of the houseYEa
gotten lost in your cityum driving around, yea
saw a shooting starYEP
been to any other countries besides the united statesYep- Jamiacia
had a serious surgery or willumm not really
gone out in public in your pajamasHeck yes!!
kissed a strangerYep
hugged a strangerYea
been arrestedNo, but close lol
drank somethin and it came out ur noise because u were laughin so hardno, but I love it when it happens to other people lol
pushed all the buttons on an elevatoryea all 3!!
done somethin soo stupid at a party while u were wasted u hadda put it on someone else because no one 4got bout it YEA
been in loveyep
been close to loveyea
been to a casinobeen outside one
had 2 burp or fart soo bad that u make a loud noise so no1 can hear u YEA!! lol
been embaressed 2 show ur friends that u have a stuffed animal or somethin that u sleep with at night ever since you were littleno, I'm not embarassed of it lol
been highney
skinny-dippedno, but I WILL!
skipped schoolyea
flashed someone*mooned
saw a therapistyea lol
worn 2 bra's just 2 make urself look big..n posted it onlinelol no
gotten stitchesyea
fought someone nd told them 2 stop because u broke a nail no
wanted 2 impress sumone soo bad that u change ur whole styleI've thought about it...
started with the people in the car beside u on the road ??
gotten the chicken poxyea
crashed into a friend's car no, but I've been in a friend's car when my other friend hit it lol
wet ur pantsEVERYONE pees their pants!!
ridden in a taxiActually no
shopliftedNah, leave that up to my friends lol
been firednope
had a crush on someone of the same sexno
hidden/lied about soemthin to ur parenst that u feel so guiltyumm kinda
had a crush on a teacher/ student teacherEhh Band instructors..lol u know who I mean
walked home drunk from a partyumm walked for a while lol
takin a taxi wit a stranger who was hittin on uno
slept with a co-worker no
ate at a restaurant nd walked out without payin the bill no
have u ever hit on ur weighteryea lol
pretended ur listenin 2 sumone on the fone nd rele fall asleeplol yea
seen someone die...no
had a close friend or family member dieyes
watched a movie soo many times in 1 day just so u can get more than an hr or more of ass from a guy?? what??
danced round the house in ur bra nd underwear YEA!!
been soo drunk u 4got ur own name no
druled so much while u were sleepn.. one of ur pets came over nd thought it was a puddle of water for them 2 drinkeww no
Been on a planeyea
made urself look like an idiotYEA!
backstabbed ur bestfriendehh some would say so
woke up screaming durin the middle of the night bc u had a nightmareYea
Eaten Sushiyep
Been skiing/snowboardingsnowtubing
wanna bang someone soo bad u have them over even wen ur parents r home lol yeeeea
stayed online for an extra hr or so just so u can talk 2 that *someone* YEp
done drugsnope
tried killing yourselfno
fired a gunyea (bebe gun)
purposely hurt yourselfumm no
loved somebody who hasnt loved u backyea
love someone or miss someone right now.sure
had a one-nite standum kinda
kissed someone upside downumm no I don't think
had sexyea
cheated on ur b.f/g.fno
gotten cheated onumm who knows
loved somebody so bad it maked you cryyea
cared so much bout someone..that'd u did anythin n everythin to try n get themYEA
had soo much fun it sticks wit u 4ever hell yea!
done somethin u regretyes
met some1 famousI'm determined to meet Dane Cook!
got hit by a carno, but I've hit someone with a car lol
fell in front of ur crushprolly
fell for a friend..n to afraid to tell themyea
hated someone so much that u'd do anythin to get rid of themyea
threw up after drinkin to muchnope
hooked up wit some1 after they threw upewww what!? noooo
stolen from ur friendumm stupid stuff
hooked up wit more than 3 guys in one nite..if so how many?no
fell down stairsum yea
fell goin up tha stairsyea lol
put video cameras in a boys bathroom? or bedroom?no
actually went 2 the movies wit sum1 nd saw every second of the movieUm I guess
skipped class 2 spend the period in the back stairway wit some1 speciallol no, we don't really have a back stairway lol
stayed up late wishn that someone will call yea
walked round the kitchen 10 times because u dont kno wat u want 2 eat..yea
taken 2hrs 2 find that perfect outfit for that nightehh not quite 2 hours


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November 16th, 2005
08:03 pm


Two Names You Go By
1. Amanda
2. Ass (lol) 

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. Scottish
2. German

Two Things That Scare You
1. Heights
2. Being Alone

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Chapstick
2. Deodorant

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Sweatpants
2. Fav. Black Shirt (havent worn it for a while lol)
Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment)
1. Click 5
2. Fallout Boy

Two of Your Favorite Songs - at the moment
1. My Humps
2. Sugar we're goin down

Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
1. Commitment

Two Truths
1. I always want what I can't have
2. I hate being wrong

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You
1. Facial Hair
2. Nice stomach

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Myspace (lol)
2. Hanging out with my wang out

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. A great, long lasting Relationship
2. To beable to go to my upcoming event (and that involves passing Math with atleast a B!)

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Italy
2. O.C w/ my homies

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Meet Dane Cook
2. Get Married/ have a successful life

Two Ways that you are stereotypically a Chick
1. I LOVE purses/ shoes
2. I love to shop & gossip!! lol

Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit
1. I get jealous very easily.
2. I can totally read people wrong sometimes

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. Pasing Math
2. Sucking up to my parents

Two Stores You Shop At
1. Anywhere and everywhere
2. Anywhere New

Two people I would like to see take this quiz
1. Beth
2. Katie

Two people I haven't talked to in a while
1. JB
2. Garrett

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful

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November 7th, 2005
02:31 pm


ugh I freakin hate my house, all anyone does is bitch about everything, and throw every god damn word I say back in my face.  Ugh like if you saw me at home you wouldn't believe that I was the same person as you know me as..I don't really consider it fake, but I just feel like I can be me when I'm with my friends cuz there isn't anyone to tell me I'm and idiot, well there are a select few, but who cares about them.  Anyways, I'm thinking about doin indoor percussion now so that I can stay away from my house as much as possible, and I love the smell of a compitition lol. 

On a happier note, last night was REALLY fun!!  We performed a kick ass show and even hit a few judges!! woo! Then we had 4 hours after we performed, before awards, so Me, Katie, and Beth chilled for a while and then went to join the boys (Nick, Addie, and Sweetie) in a little basketball compitition, but they were being jews and didn't let us play, but eventually they allowed me to join them in a game of PIG (which may I mention I got Nick out in!!!!! mwahahahaha) Then some Musselman punks challenged us to a  game, so we accepted the challenge.  Then, before we knew it, our whole band was over on the sidelines watching and cheering.  So team MOC (monster of the coc-lol) won the game with my winning shot!(LoL)WOO!! Then, since there weren't enough Musselman kids our band played Staff vs Students, I dont really know who won tho.  But the funny thing that happend was, me and Beth walked across the court to go get my stuff and Dennis came up to me and gave me his phone to hold and for some reason I said Thanks lol.  So at like 8:30 we went over to the stands and watched the last couple of bands and then Awards.  We ended up wining Best Guard, Drum Major, and Drum Line and we came in 2nd (our score dropped a couple tenths of a point, and we're not sure why) and Musselman got 1st with a freakin 91 somethin, not sure how that happend either... So it was kinda bitter sweet.  Afterwords I had to freakin go home, cuz once again my parents suck ass, but I ended up having a texting war with Dennis quoting Dane Cook jokes back and forth, so I went to bed on a good note.  Welp I gotta go work from 3-7, so there's a little update better than last time

Current Mood: crankycranky

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November 2nd, 2005
06:47 pm



So an update's in order, not that I haven't been trying, but everytime I start to update I get side tracked and never finish.  So lets see...

Homecoming was a blasty blast, had a lot of fun with Nick.  Band has been going, ehhh, well it's been going, we had a really kick ass performance on Saturday at Calvert Hall, but the Judges screwed us over, so now we have to have an even more kick ass show tomorrow night (make up for Musselman).  Not much that I really want to write about, can't really make-up my mind on anything, or anyone right now.  But I can (and have) made the decision that everything with Andrew is final, b/c it's been a long time of nothing changing, so hey as Nick would say, It's whatever.  Sooooooooo not much of an update (Kirstin) but it's a little summary of what ever I can think of right now.  Soooooooooo, band's over in 2 weeks, so hopefully I'll beable to update some more.  Later Skaters!

Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: Dane Cook-Retaliation:Want

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October 8th, 2005
09:04 pm


"You Oughta Know" -Alanis Morissette "And everytime you speak her name/ Does she know how you told me you'd hold me/ Until you died, 'til you died/ But you're still alive" ^^^Perfect lyrics^^^

err this week hasn't been much better than last week.  Monday was the college fair and after that I went to Travis's dad's viewing, which was so sad.  Then Tuesday, we got our asses kicked all over the field at band.  Wednesday I worked.  Thursday, another ass kicikng at band, but it rained so that was kinda good.  Rained through yesterday, which was a half day, so after school me, Katie, Beth, JB, and his friend Justin went to Brothers and then to random places such as the Mennonite school and Millers Church, which was fun.  Then I worked 5-9 Friday night, I was supposed to go see the new movie "Waiting" but that didn't happen cuz my homo parents took my car.  Today we had Tag day from 10-1and we took a lawn squrrel out of someones yard and gave it to Wilson for his birthday lol , then story time, then practice from 2-4, which we ended up going outside in the yucky rain for part of.  Tonight we had our compitition at South which ended up being a stand still and we got an 81 point something, which is good, but we don't know if it's gunna count for sure yet, hopefully it does.  I had fun formost of the day, but the end of it was shot to hell.  Like the performance was great, and the gym's echo and stuff added to the effect, and we got a good score and all the awards and stuf (we were the only group 2 there), then we stormed the "field" aka gym floor, which I would like to say I lead it, b/c I just ran out there by myself, and then everyone followed.  But then the bus ride home sucked cuz I called to ask my parents if I could go somewhere since we came home early, but they were ass holes and didn't let me.  It was freakin 8:00!!!!!!! But w/e I'm not even going to get into their gayness.  So right now, everyone is either at the movies seeing Waiting (with Dane Cook in it), which I was like the only on that knew about it and I wanted to see last night, but now I'm sitting my ass at home doing absolutly nothing.  Ugh I don't know I just feel like I'm dieing inside, I'm not myself anymore, and nothing seems to go my way ever.  I was so excited about this weekend, not only for Tag Day, the compitition, and all that fun stuff, but mostly cuz I was convinced that Andrew was going to come, seeing as it was at South.  But apperently not.  Ugh I hate it, he's NEVER home, so I guess there's not even time for him to call me ONCE!!  Teddy told me that he said that he missed me and he wanted to talk, yet he still hasn't called and Teddy told me that a week ago!  I'm so jealous, and heartbroken at the same time that he is going out with someone else, like, I hate the fact that he would have feelings for anyone other than me.  I think about him like ever minute of the day, and yet, it feels like he forgot I exist.  It hurts, alot.  I won't even let myself look at anyone else, b/c I'm still SO in love with him!!  I wouldn't want anything more than to have him back and have him as mine and not have to worry about a thing.  Why can't life be perfect?  Isn't there supposed to be someone out there for everyone?  Well then why can't I have my someone back??  Ugggggggghh just the lonliness, and the distance makes me soo upset, I feel like sick to my stomach and just so hearbroken.  I don't give a shit if it sounds sappy or whatever, it's me, it's how i feel, and it's not going to change.  It feels like the thing that I have to look forward to now is Tuesday, which is Showcase, which he PROMISED to come to.  Although I think it will just tear me up even more if he does come and treat me like before, completly ignore me, like when he came into school.  Or even worse, if he brings Melanie over, I swear, I don't know how I could take it.  Like it's not even her, personally I think she's pretty from when I saw her, it's just the fact that I feel like she replaced me in his heart.  I really don't know how to handle things right now, I don't know what I would have to do to be with him, to be happy again.  I would love to and hate to know how he feels, b/c in a sense it would make it so much easier on me, but then again, if it was what I didn't want to hear, I'm afraid it would tear up the last part of me that I'm holding together.  I just wish I could have my happy ending...

Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: "You Oughta Know"- Alanis Morissette

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